I just don't know anymore...

I have a problem. It is my own problem. Actually, my problem is that I have problems. &I can only talk to one person about those problems. There used to be other people but now I annoy them, and we are growing apart. It makes me feel sort of empty. Really empty. It is so ridiculous.

Is it possible to care about someone too much? Obviously. I was once able to just go to him, tell him everything that was on my mind, and it would be fine. I wouldn't feel like I was bugging him or like I was an inconvenience. Or like our friendship wasn't important. I always feel like just talking to him is a drag now. It breaks my heart, a lot. I don't know. It is pitiful. I talked to him.. it fixed it for one night. But I still couldn't vent, which is what I needed. Oh well. I just feel so worthless.

I'm just been so stressed lately. Testing, rehearsal, homework, family, friends... etc. I don't know. I am probably overreacting but I am losing sleep over it. I've shown tears because of it. I've lost friends from holding back. I don't know. I'm just ridiculous. Sooooo ridiculous. I wish I could be who I want to be.

I'm pretty sure I've been crying at least 5 times a week, minimum. I hate it. I don't cry. I hate being week. I hate how I can't breath when I cry. I hate when people see me cry. I don't know. I hate myself when I cry. It is "his" fault. A different he than before. Gah. Sorry this is a mess.

I love everyone. I'm just so easily angered. I feel bad. I feel like because I'm hurt, I'm hurting others. It kills me. But even when I try to change it.. I can't. I am always on edge and I hate that feeling. I've been told to pray. Trust me, I have.

Hmm. Oh well. I'll keep on going I suppose.