You.

Wow. I've never felt so hurt and afraid of myself. So ashamed. So used. So torn. I just don't know how I was suppose to react. I was speechless.

I wish I didn't see you today. I wish that all of those feelings didn't rush back into my mind. I wish I didn't think you were/are worth it every time I see you. I wish when I saw you, that you would actually speak to me. But those wishes are pointless and won't help anything. I just wish I never met you. I swear.

Even the though of you makes me feel sick. I feel so dirty know what happen between us. The fact I still cry about you isn't okay. I know you don't care. I know you never think about me. I think about you though. All the time. Everyday. It is pitiful. It makes me feel ridiculous because I know they are wasted thoughts. They aren't going to do anything. They won't make me feel better. I know they wont. But I can't do anything to stop them. I have flashbacks of what you used to do to me. Everything that happen. What I let you do. How I let you take advantage of me in every way you could. I was so stupid. I'm so stupid. I don't even care that people know anymore. I will just tell them what you did to me when they throw comments at me.

It is so sad I still feel like this. You ruined my life. You really did. I stopped following God because of you. I stopped eating. Ha. I stopped doing everything. You consumed me. It sucks, just when I am putting things back together you show up. You can't even look at me. It isn't okay. You are disgusting. You aren't a good person. But then again, you're so perfect.

This isn't even your fault. Its mine. I should have known. & you knew I wouldn't give in. You knew I would let you. You knew that I was pretty much worthless. You let me know it to. Everything you did to me. Gah.. I can't even begin to explain.. I don't know. I don't know why I'm blaming you. It isn't your fault.

These thoughts can't be healthy. I just feel so..
disgusting.
used.
hated.
loved.
worthless.
bitter.

If I were any of my friends, I don't know. I wouldn't wanna be me. I hate myself right now, I really do.